Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
