During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
