youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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