I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
