I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
