wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize