Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
