Your favorite bartender is back from prision
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
