I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize