I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
