This house was built for laser tag.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
