I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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