she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
