Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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