Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
