So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
a search helicopter?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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