at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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