I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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