he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
