speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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