Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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