OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
