Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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