I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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