Don't you send me to vm
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
