dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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