hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are two peas in an std pod
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
