My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize