i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
