what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
