and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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