the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
