i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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