just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Everyone says I win the strip club
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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