i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
