Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
