It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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