the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
