Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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