I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
