I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize