Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
