they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
