I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
