You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize