apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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