Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My dick has a subreddit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
