I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And then he peed in my hair
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