He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
