Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
