that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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