In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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