It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
