i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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