yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
