she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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