Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
