good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
