Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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