and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
