You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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