my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
