I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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