I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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