I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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