are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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