normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
