She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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