While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
