FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
