dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
