So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
