he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did i walk over a car last night?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
