Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
