R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
