If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize