I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
