i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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