dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize