Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
