He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
