ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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