big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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