Having a random hookup so left but love u
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize