i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
40s are totally the cure
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize