My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
