Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
