It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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