Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
