What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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