sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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