Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
