K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
vagina is talking i cant
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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