I faked an abortion last night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
