her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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