you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
