i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
