She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That accounts for only three of the penises
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
